It's a Piece of Cake to Bake a Poison Cake


Name: TM - It's a Piece of Cake to Bake a Poison Cake
How to begin: talk to R'sushmo at the Bismarck in Limsa Lominsa
Areas: Limsa Lominsa, Cedarwood

Last quest: -
Next quest: -

Requirements to sign up: rank: Storm Private First Class or higher, DoW/DoM level 40+
Required items: -
Reward: ~4,260 exp, 1,000 Storm Seals


Coming soon


Enemy List
Kikkiroon Irongut, lv45

Coming soon



Poison the Thief

R'shushmo: Oh, if it isn't <Player>! You don't seem otherwise employed - might I ask your assistance in a matter most pressing?
As you know, the imperials have finally bared their fangs and begun snapping at Eorzea's ankles like some sort of rabid hound. To fend them off, the Admiral has sent her finest soldiers north to the front lines, where they serve the Garleans hearty portions of Lominsan justice, one dollop at a time.
All while I sit here and twiddle my thumbs, you say!? Au contraire, mon ami! Everyone in the city-state plays an important role in the current conflict. Just because one cannot wield a weapon does not mean one cannot contribute to the cause. A soldier must eat after a long day of gutting and gouging, and who better to provide him with the sustenance he needs to rise the next morning - ready to gut and gouge again - than the culinary corps stationed right here at the Bismarck?
Why, these past few days, I have been working at a fever pitch to develop a new and improved variety of ration. Currently, standard issue rations include jerked meat, salted fish, and hard tack; however, after some few moons of consuming this utterly bland blend of flavorless foodstuffs, several soldiers have grown pale and lethargic, complaining of sore and bloody gums.
As anyone who has spent any time on a ship could tell you, these are the early symptoms of the dreaded scurvy, a malevolent malady which will drag its victim all the way to the gates of the seventh hell if not treated forthwith.
And how might one go about loosening the deathly grip of this much afeared affliction, you ask? Why, with the sun's blissful bounty, that's how! But therein lies our predicament. In addition to taking up a great deal of space, fresh foliage is quick to spoil, robbing it of its recuperative properties.
However, at long last, I believe I have finally developed a biscuit that is not only lightweight, but chock-full of nutrients, its dough being fortified with a special blend of vegetables and lemon peel, dried and ground into a powder. With this pastry in their packs, our soldiers need never again fear the scurvy, and can concentrate on the bloody business at hand! I call them…'suncakes'!
Yesterday mroning, I was to meet with one Storm Commander Rhiki - a frequent customer here at the Bismarck - to present my latest creation with hopes that the Maelstrom would incorporate it into their rations.
Unfortunately, my plans were thwarted when, in a rare lapse of judgment, I momentarily stepped out of the ktichen, leaving my freshly baked batch of suncakes at the mercy of those who would unabashedly snatch them up and gorge themselves without the slightest regard for the well-being of our brave gutters and gougers, nor less the feelings of she who made them.
Ah, but though my words my seem to imply the involvement of a number of co-conspirators, I am convinced that there could be only one dastard bold enough to commit a crime so heinous as this - Kikkiroon Irongut. Long has that overgrown rat tormented my colleagues and me, stealing our food and sullying our workplace.
Many have taken to turning their eyes from the problem, hoping that matters would resolve themselves of their own accord. But not I. Today marks the end of our suffering, for I have conceived a plan to rid the Bismarck, nay, Limsa Lominsa at large, of this malodorous menace. Mwahahahahaha!
You see, knowing that after tasting my ambrosial oeuvre, Irongut would be back for a second helping, I baked another batch of suncakes, this time adding Nightbreath, a clear, tasteless poison which I purchased from a shadowy fellow recently arrived on a trading vessel from Radz-at-Han. It is said that even a single drop can kill a whole army of men… I added three, just to be safe.
And wouldn't you know it, but not two bells ago, good Aentfoet over there said he saw the rat run off with his cheeks puffed out like a lemming and crumbs spraying about hither and tither. Now it is only a matter of time…
Ah yes, I suppose you are wondering about my request for assistance. Well, as I would not dare leave the protective walls of Limsa Lominsa while imperials roam the realm, I require someone to venture out in search of Kikkiroon's venom-steeped body, so that I may have definitive proof of his timely demise. I have reason to believe the thief is hiding somewhere in Cedarwood.
(quest accept)
R'sushmo: Many thanks. And if by some chance the rat is still amongst the living when you find him…well, then do what it is you adventurers do best - cuff him one between those floppy ears of his!

R'sushmo: Prudentia claims that the only reason Kikkiroon pilfers my pastries is because they are 'so delicious'. As if I care how a rat rates my culinary talents!
Hurry to Cedarwood and find his body so that I may rest easy. And if the Nightbreath hasn't quit taken effect, then you have my leave to help it along! <wink> <wink>

Nutritious Rations

(SE Cedarwood)
Kikkiroon Irongut: Me-sa like me some suncakes. Spicy suncakes, oh so spicy! Irongut'sa gut all rumbly! Rumbly tasty!

(instance after fighting Kikkiroon)
Kikkiroon Irongut: Irongut'sa head all rumbly… Me-sa sorry. Me-sa take-a the suncakes no more. One time enough…
Storm Commander Rhiki: <rank> <Lastname>. I had the pleasure of witnessing that little display, and I must say, what I saw was nothing short of impressive.
I believe you shall yet prove quite an asset to the Maelstrom.
But that's quite enough pleasantries. I suppose you are wondering why I'm here in Cedarwood. Well, if truth be told, I have been monitoring your pursuit of Kikkiroon since you left Limsa Lominsa.
When I learned that a Qiqirn had infiltrated the Bismarck and made off with those delicious…ah, that is to say, reportedly delicious new rations, I was determined to see the beast pay for his actions, only to realize that you were on a similar mission.
Gods, y-you mean to say that the suncakes were poisoned!? Did this R'sushmo happen to mention if the first batch was tainted, as well?
No? Ah, very good. I mean…bad. Yes, uh, bad that Irongut wasn't poisoned the first time he - and I cannot stress his culpability enough - stole the cakes.
Ahem. Well, all seems to be in order now. My unit and I can handle the rest from here. We shall see this criminal tossed into the brig and the key to his cell melted down. Never gain will he lay his filthy paws on my luscious suncakes…uh, I mean, the Maelstrom's luscious…um, nutritious…rations. Yes, rations.

Category: Quests


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