Egg Helm An-egg-dote

This page has been archived here from official Square Enix sources. It was originally posted on 14/03/2013.


As eggs-pected, the Egg Hunt will soon tumble into the three nations, signaling the sunny and sing-song onset of spring, kupo!

Won't you welcome the wonders of this wickedly warm season with us by collecting copious amount of carefully-ordered initial eggs, kupo?

If you're afraid of cracking your shell on the first try, start with an eggs-eedingly easy challenge―bring in bird babies brushed with the first three letters of your name! Once you've fried up your "First 3" combination, feel free to find a moogle―much like me―and hand it over for eggs-eptional rewards, kupo!

We heartily hope you hunt down a panoply of these painted party favors and walk away with an abundance of amazing artifacts, for countless combinations exist, kupo!

What was that? Some skeptical speculators question how we could possibly amass this awe-inspiring amount of awards, kupo?


Thanks to her shell-shocking scoop last year, Jemimi was able to claim a seat for herself as an assistant journalist at Magic Paradise Weekly. She was also discovering that the newspaper business wasn't all it was cracked up to be, as she constantly had to work long after the sun's warm yolk had flipped over in the frying pan of the sky. Now with the name "The Sacred City of Adoulin" being bandied about by citizens the continent over, Jemimi knew she'd have to work her fur off just to stay with the paper.

"Oh well, when life hands you cracked eggs, make an omeletaru! I'm going to enjoy this festival-westival to the fullest!"

With her resolution steeled, the optimistic Tarutaru made her way to her best friend Rhe Tei's house so she could share in the shenanigans that were likely to ensue.

"Hi ho, Rhe Tei! How're you faring-waring on this sunny-side up day?"

"Hey, Jemimi! Brrrighter than a freshly painted initial egg, that's how!" replied the Mithra, brush in hand.

"You're not actually paintaruing your own eggs, are you?"

"Of course I am. Didn't you hear? It's all the rrrage this year!"

Inspired by the beauty of the MHMU's initial eggs, people from all corners of the Middle Lands had taken up the brush and begun unleashing their artistic vision upon their own ovular canvases. That wasn't all, however, as eggs-eptionally talented individuals would even replicate crabs, chocobo, and Doll Festival dolls with egg shells.

"Jemimi, did you parrrticipate in the Egg Hunt this year?"

"You know it! I scrambled around and combined my haul from this year with last year's to finally get what I'd been covetaruing for so long."

"By that, you mean that egg helm you're wearing, rrright?"

"Yes! Isn't it an eggs-ellent eggs-ample of fashionable headwear?"

"Without a doubt. I'd frrry my brain trying to think of someone it looks better on."

"Hehehe, thanks for the complimentaru, Rhe Tei."

"By the way, did you know that egg helms were hatched during the rrreign of Chalaimbille II, San d'Oria's twelfth ruler?

"R-really? You're not playing a yolk on me, are you?" Jemimi stammered, completely overwhelmed by the knowledge her friend had nested in that head of hers.

"Nope. He was known throughout the kingdom as the King of Cuisine, and he was particularly famous for the eggs-trrraordinary egg dishes."

"Like…egg tartarus and egg salad?"

"Yeah, but most of all, he enjoyed making cilbir. That's what the rrrecords tell us, along with the fact that he once took a chaser under his wing for the sole purrrpose of embossing metal to resemble the eggs he found."

"B-but…didn't Chalaimbille II egg-spire ages ago?

"Yup."

"I don't know… I find this all a bit hard to believe-wieve."

What left the largest crack in Rhe Tei's story for Jemimi was the fact that egg helms could be gotten from the "First 3" combination. While Jemimi's resolve had practically shattered to pieces in search of her egg helm, for adventurers, that was easier than breaking an egg with two hands. Had someone truly incubated that many helms that there would still be enough to go around in this day and age?

"I've soft-boiled my brrrain thinking about that as well…"

"That's the Rhe Tei I know! I knew I could trustaru in your advanced mind!" Jemimi beamed, convinced of her friend's cognitive prowess.

"After hours of carrreful thought, I've got a hypothesis boiling. Want to hear it?"

Rhe Tei may possess an eggs-emplary mind, but apparently she had chosen to use it for evil―at least in regards to Jemimi. No journalist worth her salt and pepper would dare let an over-easy opportunity like this pass her by.

"Please, impartaru your knowledge to me!"

"Verrry well, then…" Rhe Tei launched into her legg-ture without emptying either of her hands of brush or egg.

"You know how adventurers speak of people who can trrranscend time, right?"

"Time…?"

"Yes. Turrrn back the egg timer. Trrravel to the past. I'm sure you've heard an egg-spression or two."

"What!? I thoughtaru stuff like that was in-eggs-ecutable!"

"Just hear me out. Say, for eggs-ample, that there was only one egg helm left overrr from the time of Chalaimbille II."

"Alrightaru…"

"And let's also suppose you jump back ten years from today."

"Why ten-wen years?"

"The numberrr of years isn't important. It could be thrrree days or two months. Anyway, once you go back in time, you burrry the helm."

"Bury…?"

"Yup. Then you rrreturn to your roost and dig up your buried trrreasure."

"Won't it be all rusty-wusty, though?"

"You can't see the custarrrd for the eggs, can you? Fine, putting it in a box should keep it frrrom spoiling." Rhe then snapped her wrist with the brush in it back and forth quickly, as if it were time to take her true point out of the oven. A keen observer would have noticed a pan-seared smile cross her lips, but Jemimi was concentrating too hard on what her Mithra companion was saying to notice.

"At this rate, you won't be rrreaping any more egg helms than you lay. However…"

"However-wever what?"

"What if you also decide to bury another helm the day before your first trrrip through time?"

"Huh?"

"You should still have your helmet then, right?"

"I…I guessy-wuess…"

"Then if you eggs-cavate the helmet, you'll come up with two because you won't have rrremoved the first one yet."

"Waitaru… What?"

"Next, you jump back in time with your two helms ten yearrrs. Then, on your second trip, you'll unearrrth two more helms. Two plus two is four, which is double your prrrevious amount! If you take it furrrther and travel back in time with those four helms and bury them…"

"What'll happen-wappen!? Inquiring minds want to know!"

"The egg helms in your basket will incrrrease eggs-ponentially. First two, then four, then eight, sixteen, thirty-two, sixty-four, one hundred twenty-eight, two hundred fifty-six, and so on and so forrrth."

"…Wow. I'm completely befuddle-wuddled."

Jemimi flipped the problem over in her head time and time again, but each time she tried, she simply scrambled things up more. She thought Rhe Tei might be pulling a fast one on her, but she couldn't find the flaw in the Mithra's logic.

Then she noticed Rhe Tei's sneer.

"Hey, you were poking-woking fun at me all along, weren't you!?"

"Perrrish the thought. I was merely tossing arrround some thoughts with you."

"You're terrible-werrible, Rhe Tei!"

At that moment, the doorbell rang.

"Hello-wello. Is that runty-wunt Jemimi there?" demanded the visitor. Even though her carton was a couple eggs short, even Jemimi could recognize that voice anywhere―it was her Konana, her boss at Magic Paradise Weekly.

"You know, that woman really poaches my eggs," Jemimi griped. She had barely even gotten in the mood for festivities, and her superior was already putting the quiche-bosh on her hopes for having fun. At least it would help her mature as a journalist.

"Hey, Jemimi," her friend purred, the corners of her mouth upturned so high that they resembled an egg shell split in half.

"There's no use crrrying over spilled yolks. Plus, you have a secrrrect weapon with which to thwart your arch nemesis," she whispered to Jemimi after letting Konana know the door was unlocked.

"What secret-wecret wea—" She started to ask, but one look at Rhe Tei's face was all it took for her to put the pieces together.

Konana burst into the room, rage boiling over.

"So this's where you've been lazing-wazing about!"

"Yes, ma'am…"

"There's no restaru for the eggs-hausted in the news business! Time to get to work, you truantaru!"

"I'm very-wery sorry, Konana. What I've done is in-eggs-cusable. But…"

"Wh-what's with that facey-wace of yours, Jemimi? You're scaring me!"

"There's nothing-wothing to be afraid of, Konana. I was just going to tell you the scoop I got on egg helms, that's all."

"Oh?"

"Do you want to hear it?"

Of course, any journalist worth her salt…

"O-of course I do!"

"Well, it deals with crossing-wossing the barriers of time…"

egghunt13_egghelms.jpg

Story: Miyabi Hasegawa
Illustration: Mitsuhiro Arita


Category: News

This content copyright Square Enix.