Blazing Buffaloes, Or How West Sarutabaruta Was Won

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Blazing Buffaloes, Or How West Sarutabaruta Was Won

One blustery day in the icy peaks of the North…

Kupold: Kupo-whoaaa! This wind's a-blowin' somethin' fierce!

Kupulele: Hold on to your bootstraps!

Kupeliont: Buckle down, boys! We've got a blizzard on our hands!

Kupold: Ahhh… after a week in the roasting sun of Purgonorgo Isle, these icy winds are just the ticket for my sunburned wings. Walkin' along in a winter wonderla—

Kupeliont: Whoa! Steady there, Kupold! That's an avalanche zone!

Kupold: Phew! That was a bit too close for comfo—

Kupulele: —and that's the edge of a cliff!

Kupold: Kupo-whoa-whoaaa! Oh, confound these blasted mountains! Get me out of here, Kupeliont! I want my mommyyy!

Kupeliont: Hold your horses, Kupold; you're jittery as a jubjub.
Now look, it's just two whoops and a holler to the foot o' the mountain, then we're home free.
How's our herd lookin' back there, Kupulele?

Kupulele: Let's see now. One, two, three li'l buffaloes… a couple o' heifers, a couple o' calves… ten, eleven, and… good as gravy, the herd's all here!

Kupold: Oh-ho! Chalk another one up to the prodigious powers of Kupold the master mesmerist!
Speakin' of which, what's the story with these bovine beasties anyway?

Kupulele: If you weren't too doggone lazy to show up for last week's meeting, you'd already know.
It's none other than our latest and most ingenious plan! The one that'll put the MHMU back in the black for sure! None other than the… the, uh— what was it called again, Kupeliont?

Kupeliont: The Buffalo Bonanza Ranch, kupo!


Kupulele: That's it! It's just like the big boss said:
“Listen up, pardners! A new era of thrills and entertainment is upon us!
That's right, I'm talkin' the rip-roarin'est dude ranch in Vana'diel! A place where adventurers from hither and yon can feast their eyes on cattle-drivin' shows while munchin' down gourmet buffalo burgers.
The Buffalo Bonanza Ranch—guaranteed to turn our treasury into a veritable gold mine!”

Kupeliont: You catch our drift, Kupold? The very future of the MHMU hangs in the balance. By hook or by crook, we're bringin' these blasted buffaloes back to the three nations!
What in the—? Now where did that doggone steer go?

Kupulele: He's right over here- no, wait, over there? Tarnation, he was here just a minute ago!
Now you've done it, Kupold. Looks like your ballyhooed hypnosis spit the bit again!

Kupold: Balderdash!
Anyway, look here, we've made it to the foot of the mountain!
Getting back to town from here'll be as easy as pamama pie!

- Linkpearl: <Ring, ring>

Kupeliont: Shut yer big bazoo, Kupold. It's a call from HQ!
What in the— a swarm of bugs outside the city walls, you say?

Kupulele: Ewww! Insects give me the heebie-jeebies!

Kupold: Oh, don't be such a lily-livered girl, Kupulele. Look, we've got a thunderin' herd of buffalo behind us. We cut ourselves a path through the valley, and those bugs will skedaddle before you can say lickety-split!
Get along, li'l dogies! Yee-hawww!

A vanishing bull and a mysterious swarm of insects-
Little did our moogle friends know that these two seemingly innocent events
would raise a ruckus the likes of which the MHMU had never before seen…

Category: News

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